Shatterer
by mercurydragons
Summary: Bismuth, by some miracle, was reformed and begins to see the brighter side of life on earth. She goes to meet some of the newer members at the barn. They seem really nice, but it's a shame that Lapis still remembers her. Based on an old post of mine:
1. Chapter 1

The vase shattered. Water pooled around her feet, but Lapis stood transfixed. Staring in horror at the large figure standing in front of her.

"Guys, I want you to meet Bismuth," Steven said. Lapis couldn't feel her fingertips. Her legs, two lumps of lead, refused to move.

"Is...is she ok?"Bismuth asked. Truth be told, no Lapis wasn't ok. Fractured images flashed across her mind, she stumbled backward towards the barn. "Hey now," Bismuth soothed "ain't nothing gonna hurt ya, I'm just here to talk." But Lapis didn't hear a thing, she was too lost in the maze of fear she thought she had buried. Her lungs burned, air forced itself out of them in choked gasps. Her vision blurred as the world crashed around her. The ringing in her ears was unbearable, she summoned her wings and took off.

* * *

 _Explosions rocked the ground_. No, she was safe she was in the air. Sulfur _permeated the air as fires burned close by._ **It isn't real, I'm far beyond that now.** _The Amethyst crawled towards her, grasping for Lapis's leg, her cracked gem was already messing with her form. The amethyst's arm glowed as it turned into a shapeless mass. Her body began to fall apart slowly as she opened her mouth to_ _..._ Lapis's leg grazed against the treetops below her. She needed to get a hold of herself. Her mind was split between two realities. She just couldn't stop the pounding waves of her past from destroying her. She could feel herself slipping back into the battlefield. _A jasper raced forward, head held high as she rushed into the battle spear in hand. Another followed behind surging barehanded into the fray. The ground burst a few feet away, sending smoke through the air. She wrenched her eyes shut and shielded her ears from the noise._ Lapis had replayed this scenario over and over again while she was in the mirror. The worst part was yet to come. She landed in the field below her. She curled into a small, tight ball bracing herself. _Behind her shrapnel flew through the air. Lapis peeked through her hair, checking to make sure that no one was hurt. With a loud thud, the giant gem landed in front of Lapis. Startled, Lapis sprang back, extending her wings. The Bismuth's eyes glittered as she lurched forward. Lapis's feet twisted in the dirt as she reached for the air before her, but Bismuth's fist plowed through the small of her back. Darkness consumed her as her form collapsed. Even in the void, Lapis could still feel the Bismuth standing over her. It was so close, fear swallowed her rational mind. The Bismuth lumbered closer and... she bolted towards the nearest gem._

Lapis slowly removed her legs from her chest. Her panting eased and she pushed herself up straight. The sun rested against her face as gradually her world settled back into place. She needed to go back to the barn. More than anything at this point she needed answers, why was that gem with Steven?


	2. Chapter 2

Bismuth remembered. How could she forget? It wasn't everyday she got to see the pained look of a "better" gem as she destroyed their form. She had never expected to ever see her again, but there she was bustling around this "barn" as Steven had called it. The Lapis was moving things around as the Peridot next to her goofed around and made and Steven had made their way up to the front door when the gem spotted them. She dropped the vase in her hands. Bismuth flinched as the smaller gem gaped at her.

"Guys, I want you to meet Bismuth," Steven introduced, oblivious to the tension around him. A look of pain flashed across Lapis's face.

"Is...is she ok?" Bismuth asked. Bismuth began to panic as Lapis backed away. "Hey now, ain't nothing gonna hurt ya. I'm just here to talk," Her panic continued to grow as Lapis bent over and began to hyperventilate. Bismuth reached out to grab her shoulder, but Lapis quickly took off. Bismuth jerked back and watched her fly away.

"What was that about?" Steven tugged on Bismuth's hand.

"It's a long story," Bismuth sighed.

 _It was a good day to die. Bismuth kicked off the remaining Jasper as she advanced through the field. It was always a pleasure to show those uppercrusts what was coming to them. They may be bigger, but nothing will stop the crystal gems. From across the way Bismuth could see Biggs facing off with a fusion twice her size. A grin broke across her face as she rushed in to help. Bismuth couldn't help it. On this war-torn field she felt alive, every swing of her hammer made her feel complete. This was her war, her fight to finally find something other than building she could do. Sure she lent her talents to blacksmithing, but even then when she was shut in the forge she was living for herself. The burning fires warmed her skin as she raced across the landscape. She vaulted through a nearby fire catching an Ametrine off guard. Quartzes were too easy to mess with. Bismuth made quick work of her, an ametrine focused way too hard on looking good to get her sorry head out of her ass. A charge blew up on her left. Then Bismuth saw her. A frail, blue gem wandering lost on the battlefield. Whichever gem was in charge of her was doing a terrible job, letting a Lapis get caught up in this fight. Those stuck up homeworlders just make things easier for at least. Bismuth leapt towards the smaller gem. There's the look, it's time to let all of them know what the crystal gems were made of. A swift hit to the lower back and the Lapis was down for the count. How could such a gem boss Bismuth around? She couldn't help but stare at the discarded stone on the ground. It would be so easy, Bismuth reached down to pick up the gem. It would be so easy just end this right now, they had broken so many of us why shouldn't they feel the same pain. The thought made Bismuth jerk back, but she just couldn't get it out of her head. Bismuth backed away and ran towards an incoming Amethyst, but no matter what the idea lingered at the edge of her mind._ _ **Maybe it will work.**_

Bismuth stared at her hand. Behind her, Lapis landed.


	3. Chapter 3

Bismuth looked over her shoulder and sighed. Lapis's eyes burned into her as she turned to face her. Bismuth could see the myriad of questions etched into the grim look on Lapis's face.

"Why?" The ground rumbled as a massive water hand took shape behind Lapis. "Why are you here?" Steven and Peridot ran between her and Lapis.

"Lapis what are you doing?!" Peridot shrieked. She grabbed Lapis's arm desperately trying to calm her down. Steven looked back and forth at them trying to make sense of the situation. Bismuth took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts. Finally, she cleared her throat and held up her hands, trying to remain as calm as possible.

"Look, I'll happily answer your questions…" she softened as she saw Steven's panicked expression "but not in front of the kid." Lapis looked taken aback. She glanced at Steven and then back to Bismuth.

"Fine," Lapis lowered the water back into the hole. "This isn't over though." Giving one last glare Lapis stalked off to the barn. Peridot trailed after her, throwing an uncertain look back towards them. Then she jogged trying to catch up to Lapis. Bismuth almost jumped and resisted the urge to jerk back when Steven gently took her hand.

"Bismuth," he looked into her eyes "it's gonna be okay. I'm sure we can work this out...whatever this is. Lapis is really great when you get to know her." Bismuth winced but held Steven's gaze.

"Yeah, I'm sure she is," Bismuth said softly. She put her arm around Steven's shoulder and gave a small smile. "Well we'd best be getting back," she let out a short laugh "I'm sure Pearl'll be worrying if I keep you out too late." Bismuth thumped him on the back and started back to the warp pad. She kept her eyes locked straight ahead, she didn't need to turn around to know that the thin, blue gem was watching her every step. _This is gonna be a hard night_ she thought. She closed her eyes and let out the breath she didn't know she was holding as the world around her disappeared in the cold light of the warp.

* * *

Lapis paced around the barn once Steven and Bismuth disappeared from sight. She thought she was prepared for anything, but a calm almost begging tone was far from what she expected. _How could that be the same gem?_ **A cruel smile flickered in her mind.** _Maybe I was wrong?_ **Brilliantly colored hair whipped passed her eyes.** _But then how did she know?_ **Cool, rough skin branded her back.**

"Lapis?" Peridot's small voice shook Lapis out of her own head. She twisted back. Peridot peered into Lapis's face. Her hand quivered as she covered her mouth.

"I'm...I'm fine Peri." Lapis found that she couldn't look Peridot in the eyes. Once again fear and anxiety pounded her mind, she could feel it crowding her lungs, black spots popped into her vision as the floor began to sink around her...a small tug pulled Lapis into Peridot's arms. Lapis stood stunned as Peridot hugged her.

"Lapis, I don't know what's wrong, but you don't have to do this alone. I can't guarantee I can fix it," Peridot pulled back slightly "but we can do this. Together." Lapis fell to her knees and pulled Peridot closer in her embrace. Her face flushed as hot tears spilt from her eyes. Peridot stiffened in surprise, but relaxed when the first tear hit her shoulder.

"I'm sorry…" Lapis choked out "I'm so sorry I had to pull you through this with me." After a moment's hesitation, Lapis felt Peridot's hand comb through her hair. They stayed like that for what felt like forever until Lapis pushed back. "Thank you," she sniffled "thank you for being here."

"Of course," Peridot wiped a tear from Lapis's cheek "I'm here for you...like you'd' be there for me" she added on. Lapis blinked in surprise as a blush crept into Peridot's cheeks. Peridot looked up at her with a pathetic attempt at a wry smile.

"You look ridiculous!" Lapis broke down into a fit of giggles. Peridot tried to look offended but quickly followed suit. At some point, Lapis sombered up and stared into Peridot's eyes. "I… don't know how to say this, but I know Bismuth."

"I kinda figured," Peridot shrugged sheepishly.

"No, no. It's so hard to explain," Lapis shook her head but softened when she felt Peridot's hand on her leg. She took a deep breath and hardened her resolve. "Peridot, I think you should know…" With that Lapis began to fill Peridot in on her history.

* * *

Author's Note: I'm so sorry for the long break I took from the story. I've been really busy with college and other projects so I had no time to work on this story. I suppose due to recent canon events this can be considered an alternate timeline. Thanks for reading.


	4. Chapter 4

Bismuth grunted as she lowered herself down onto the beach. She leaned her head into her hand, waves gently lapped at her legs and seagulls cried out above her yet amidst all the peace of the shore a war raged within her mind. Why had she done that? What right did she have to use Steven as an excuse? And most importantly, why couldn't she tell her? Why couldn't she tell her that she had come so close to shattering her, or why she was there? She sighed, it just didn't get any easier did it?

After being unbubbled Bismuth had tried so hard to make it up to her friends. After all she did...after all, she did they still forgave her. She should still be bubbled, heck she should be shattered for what she did. Opposing Rose Quartz, threatening Steven...leaving them when they needed her the most. If only she hadn't made the breaking point, if only. There wasn't any way they could forgive her. But, somehow, they did and it just made no sense to her. The crystal gems welcomed her back with open arms. Even that scrappy little Amethyst, who she hadn't even known that long, went out of her way to help Bismuth adjust back to daily life. Pearl and Garnet kind of made sense, they were some of her oldest friends, but Steven and Amethyst? Why on Earth would they care about her?

It was all just so much easier when all she had to focus on was winning the war. At least then things made some form of sense. A small crab scuttled in front of her and quickly vanished into the water. It was weird being so close to these small beings. Bismuth didn't fight for the life on Earth like the others did, she fought for the gems who populated it. They were her family, and now most of them are gone.

"Bismuth?" Pearl had somehow crept behind her. Of course, she did, it was Pearl, her delicate step never makes a sound. Pearl peered over Bismuth's shoulder "How did it go at the barn? Steven seemed...upset."

"It's complicated," Bismuth waved her hand refusing to look Pearl in the eye. "I thought things would go well, but well...there was a little bit of a complication with one of the gems there."

"Ugh, It was Peridot wasn't it?" Pearl threw her head back exasperated "I don't know how many times I told her not to make comments about Homeworld and other gems but she just won't listen to me!" Pearl's small rant, loosened some of the tightness in Bismuth's chest and she let out a small chuckle.

"No, no it wasn't her, I never even got to say a word to her." Bismuth's smile slipped off her face "It was uh..it was the Lapis Lazuli."

"Lapis?"Pearl's eyes widened.

"Like I said it's complicated. I'd rather not talk about it." Well, that wasn't completely a lie, Bismuth didn't want to say a single thing, but not saying anything was tearing her up inside. Bismuth could still feel Pearl looking down at her before she could say anything else Pearl sat down next to her and stared out at the horizon.

"I know things can't go back to the way they used to be, but I don't think that matters." Pearl placed her hand softly on Bismuth's arm and looked up at her. "Bismuth no matter what happens, we still care about you. I still care about you. I know, trust me I do, that there's a lot you're still not comfortable with and I don't blame you. What happened between you and Rose was...surprising to say in the least. But Bismuth you're not alone." Pearl leaned against Bismuth's shoulder. "I just thought you should know that, no matter what you could possibly say. No one will bubble you again." Bismuth stared hard at the back of her hand. She sniffled and wrapped her arm around Pearl, pulling her close.

"I've done some terrible things, Pearl. Now I have to face one of the victims." Tears stung her eyes as she continued "I shouldn't have poofed her Pearl, she wasn't even fighting. But, but I wanted to. I stared at this scared, innocent gem and I wanted to hurt her."

"Oh Bismuth…"

"No Pearl, it needs to be said. I wanted to shatter her. AND FOR WHAT!" Bismuth slammed her fist into the ground next to her. "Because she was there? Because she was on their side? Because she didn't stop them front hurting us?! No, I wanted to hurt her because I thought she deserved it. She just looked so lost and it...it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that she got to be that innocent in a place where our friends were being destroyed. But now...now everyone is gone."

"Bismuth, thank you."Pearl almost whispered.

"Thank you? Why are you thanking me? I..I…"

"Thank you for telling me how you feel." Pearl gently rested her hand on Bismuth's face. "You've been so isolated since you've come back. It means a lot that you would open up to me about something so difficult to admit. But now you've got to make it right." Bismuth couldn't look away from Pearl's clear, sky blue eyes. They stared through and into her thoughts. Bismuth pushed into Pearl's touch, before pulling away.

"You're right. I just don't know how to say it. I mean really," Bismuth forced a small smile "How many times do you get to apologize for almost ending someone's life? You'd think I'd have some practice after what I did to Steven." The sun had begun to set across the endless sea. Compared to other planets she had worked on Earth was so small, but somehow at this moment, it seemed so big.

"Well after this I'm sure you'll be great at it," Pearl smiled back. "But for now, let's just take a break and talk. So Bismuth...how do you really feel about being back?" Bismuth sighed and pulled Pearl into her lap. They giggled as Pearl rested her head against Bismuth's chest.

"You know I wasn't so sure at first, but I think that I could get used to the new Crystal gems." The sun sunk down deeper into the sky. A soft purple set across the sky and the first stars began to peer out from behind cotton-like clouds and freckle the vast sky. For a moment, nothing existed but Bismuth, Pearl and the waves lapping away at their legs as the tide began to come in and Bismuth was fine with that.

* * *

Crickets chirped across the fields and small lighting bugs flitted around the tall grass. The night was quiet and calm for the most part. But a bright flash of icy blue light disturbed the lazy summer night's air. Bismuth steeled herself as she stood on the cool crystal platform deep in the middle of nowhere. She stepped off into the grass and started for the barn. It was finally time to answer Lapis's questions and face what was coming to her.


End file.
